In his eyes....

He doesn't know what to say anymore, but it's all in his eyes. The pain of not knowing what to do or say anymore shows in his eyes. When he looks at me I can see it in his eyes though he may act as if everything is alright. These eyes belong to my father. I am a 27 year old female who at times makes decisions on my own without consult from anyone and not caring about the backlash.

My father is a special man, who observes things before commenting, but aren't most fathers this way? Lately he has been quiet with me, but I get the usual 'good morning,' 'have a nice day,' and 'may God be with you.' Though, now I believe he is at a loss for words.

There is no manual given to any parents on how to raise your children, when to say what, or how to say it, this is a lesson that you go through blind at times. I believe my father is a quiet man or is it that he thinks why speak when no one will acknowledge what I have to say anyway? I'm sorry dad if you feel this way...

The recent decision that I made, well it's not really recent I bought my ticket to NY last month but it was just this week they found out about it, July 6th to be exact. My mother had been discussing a wedding event that is coming up and I said something about hoping to be here for it. She asks where will I be and I told her about NY, wow, she was livid! She went off saying that "if the man wanted to see me then he would come" talking about my boyfriend in NY. After that I heard her say "I know you're not going up there to look into each other's eyes and smile," which I laughed about, until I really understood what she was getting at. I really hate when she thinks that way about me, it makes me feel sad. For those of you who know me, I'll let you decide whether or not I am flying miles away from home just to have sex with my boyfriend. *makes a face* Mind you I love NY and I would go there whenever possible, so I really don't mind going up there.

I don't like making my parents upset but I need to do things that make me happy sometimes, right? My mother went off to her room and next thing I know my father came out. "What's this I hear about you going to NY? What's in NY for you?" Lol I love him, my mother will come right out and say it that I looking to have sex, but my father can't seem to utter the words at all, the man still won't talk to me about dating which is a way passed due subject, smh see no parent's manual. That talk should have happened as a teenager.

There he is getting ready for work, straight faced and head down, wordless. He truly does not know what to say to me or he is doing that other thing he does, which is collecting his thoughts, making ready his case before presenting any materials at all. If that's the case then I'll be in for some sort of speech when he is ready to give it.

My boyfriend maybe viewed as the enemy just about now, sorry babe.

In his eyes he sees his daughter growing up and possibly growing apart, but no matter what I will always love my dad.

*Daddy's little girl*